Anxiety has a way of sneaking in when you least expect it. Some say this is future-based where you don’t notice it’s happening. What I’ve discovered is that anxiety is activation that gets stuck when your nervous system can’t complete its natural stress response cycle.

At times, it grips your chest, fills your mind with what-if scenarios, and makes you feel as if you’re losing control. Recently what I’ve learned about anxiety itself is it isn’t an emotion you need to manage—it’s your nervous system stuck in activation (fight and flight), and understanding this changes everything.

When anxiety as activation takes over

Anxiety feels like having your foot on the gas pedal while your car is in park. Your system is revved up with energy that has nowhere to go, so it creates stories about the future to try to make sense of all that charge.

During my panic attack in June 2024, I was caught in this exact pattern. My nervous system was activated around attachment, friendships and abandonment, but instead of feeling the sensations in my body, I got pulled into mental spirals of what-if scenarios.

At that time, something in my mind brought myself to ask: “What if I chose to give myself space to understand why my panic was here?”

This felt terrifying because I wanted to control by not feeling. I wanted to plow through work instead of being with whatever was moving through my system.

Instead, I gave myself grace.

In this case with a couple of my friendship circles, sometimes when I feel like I need to step away for a bit, I accept that I need to step away and this doesn’t mean I burn any bridges. This is being honest with myself while understanding why my panic attacks kept happening. I can control what I get to control.

I say this since it’s easy to fall into a pattern of trying to control every outcome to avoid discomfort. But this control is an illusion.

The more we cling to it, the more we reinforce anxiety’s grip on us. It feeds off the fear of the unknown, of what might happen, and it thrives when we obsess over what we can’t control.

Trying to control the future is like trying to hold water in your hands—the tighter you squeeze it, the more slips away.

Finding grace in the midst of panic

Anxiety thrives when we’re disconnected from our bodies and the present moment. It feeds on our attempts to control outcomes and avoid discomfort. But trying to control the future is like trying to hold water—the tighter you squeeze, the more slips away.

What I discovered is that anxiety often contains important information underneath it. Maybe there’s anger that needs expression, fear that wants to be felt, or boundaries that need to be set.

When I stepped away from overwhelming friendships, I wasn’t burning bridges—I was listening to what my system actually needed.

When you let go of trying to control everything and give yourself space, you allow calm to begin returning to your system.

Grace is about accepting yourself as you are in this moment, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Reclaiming YOU by being present

Your capacity lies not in controlling anxiety, but in learning to be with the activation while staying grounded in your body.

When you pause and feel your feet on the ground, notice your breath, and orient to your environment, something shifts. The future might still feel uncertain, but right now, in this moment, you can sense yourself.

We’re not trying to push away this heart-beating fast sensation nor blood rushing to our muscles away from our organs to protect. It’s about creating space for whatever wants to move through you.

This is a good example of what its like to find ground when anxiety starts dictating your thoughts, actions, and emotions (spoilers from Inside Out 2).

This process isn’t always easy, yet it’s important to feel this slowly and not carthardically feel everything to get it over with.

And yes, you might feel guilty for stepping away from responsibilities or relationships, just as I did when I had to step away from a friendship that had become overwhelming.

In this process, it’s important to continue giving myself space since this may be unfamiliar to you.

Giving yourself permission to pause and create space is an act of self-care. When you take care of yourself, you’re able to show up more fully in your life.

Embracing anxiety with compassion

Needless to say, what if you approached this rush with curiosity when it shows?

Remember, pause, feel the ground below you, and notice your environment.

Listen beneath: What might your system be trying to tell you? Is it needing to lay down? Or sit upright?

Notice the sensations: Where do you feel the activation in your body? Is there buzzing, tightness, restlessness?

Create space: Slowly permission to pause when its enough rather than pushing through

Stay present: Feel your connection to the ground, notice what’s around you

Like many of these sensations, anxiety isn’t something to push away or ignore. It’s a part of you, and like every part, it deserves to be seen and heard.

Your anxiety may be pointing you toward something important—perhaps an unmet need or a boundary you need to set. This leads to the next point.

You are not your anxiety

Lastly, remember that you are not defined by your anxiety.

Anxiety is something you experience, but it is not who you are.

When you stay present and compassionate with yourself, you remind anxiety that it doesn’t control you—you control your response to it.