I was talking to someone once who shared that they were afraid of their own ‘fire’, their own healthy aggression—that intense passion and drive they felt inside, silently crying, afraid of their own healthy aggression.
A part of myself died for that person since ‘fire’ is life. Healthy aggression fuels:
- It’s dynamic.
- It clarifies needs.
- It sets boundaries.
- It empowers truth.
So, what happens when all of that is taken away? What happens to the body when it learns to fear its own life force?
To get this out of the way, you were born with this ‘life force energy.’ For the biology geeks, this is part of your human biology. I’m not making this up. This isn’t something where you needed to earn this energy.
As social mammals, this serves a huge role in our lives and activities such as:
- Skiing
- Dancing
- Cleaning
- Rollercoasters
- Brisk Walking
- Passionately talking
- Speaking in front of an audience
Basically, anything to get our heart rates up. 🧡
Let me ask you. For an activity like dancing, if you’re good at it, do you think about your movements in the middle of your dance? Probably not. You’re out there killing it on the stage. Now, here’s a slight curveball—what if I told you that this was your “fight” energy, the “healthy aggression” at play?
While it’s important to understand our autonomic nervous system (fight/flight/freeze in the sympathetic and rest-digest/shutdown in the parasympathetic), we’ll be focusing on the importance of fight, with a hint of freeze.
Your healthy aggression in motion: The dance of the ‘fight’
Imagine a dance routine. You’re in sync, but suddenly, doubt creeps in: “Am I doing this right? Will they like me? What if I mess up?” Collapse. You feel overwhelmed, breaking your routine, falling, feeling small.
The same can be said for my friend. Breaking it down:
- Suppressed Sympathetic (Fight): My friend shared they were afraid of their own ‘fire.’
- Functional Freeze: They felt the passion but were afraid to express it.
- Low-Tone Dorsal Parasympathetic: Afraid to express, they gave up on the idea of expressing themselves because they concluded they’d be judged.
I know I threw in some fancy words, which I’ll break down in a later post. But for someone experiencing that kind of response to their life force energy, it’s likely their system felt:
- Something was dangerous.
- It was too big to handle.
- Too overwhelming.
- It may push others away.
Getting comfortable with healthy aggression
To feel safe within themselves, they’d need to grow their capacity, or what I call “vastness,” to hold this energy in their system.
I asked, “Would you be open to feeling into your ‘fire’ gently?” My friend agreed.
They were feeling into their heart beautifully, slowly, and gently! Because they recognized I could hold their passionate words with ease and comfort, while acknowledge theirs, they felt safe to express themselves—this is called attunement or co-regulation.
As you touch your ‘fire,’ your healthy aggression, your life force, keep this in mind: yes, it can burn, but it also illuminates. It shows you the path when you’re lost and pushes you forward when you’re stuck.
That fire, that passion, doesn’t need to be extinguished. It’s not about calming it down or making it smaller—it’s about learning to sit with it, to guide it without letting it consume you.
The more sips you take of touching your fire and this life force, the more capacity and space you hold within yourself. This means more trust and inner wisdom. This is all about you! ❤️🔥
